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Memories

April 23, 2016

You know the memories you have that are crystal clear and they feel like they were yesterday? Even thought they were weeks, months, or even years ago but they're still crystal clear. I've had a flood of those the past twenty-four hours and I don't know why but it's made me think.

Why these specific memories? Some good and some bad but they are imprinted on my memory. Or the experiences that are incredible but the life choice is bad. It begs so many questions. Like was it a bad decision if the memory is good? Does one bad memory taint all the other good ones of one person?

I don't have answers to these questions but they have been racing through my mind lately. Especially when I found out that I lost the short one. Forever. She hasn't spoken to me since the night of the fall and now she won't ever. She isn't coming back in August so I realized that she's gone. The last words she said to me "I don't know what to say to you anymore." Words that will stick with my the rest of my life. But what about the good ones?

The laughs, hugs, and memories of movie nights, shopping sprees and endlessly conversations. I remember them but then everything comes back to the bad. Why are those memories forever changed? Ruined. It hurts that those memories will never be the same because of the hurt and loss from them.

But then there are the good memories that I have found too. So many laughs from Texas and Fluffette lately. It shows me that as much as I was focused on losing oboe sister, the short one and the hare I wasn't seeing the people God was putting in my life too. How do I focus on the good memories over the bad ones?

I just have to realize that with the bad there is also good. While I have the vivid nights of crying myself to sleep; I also need to remember the times that I laughed until I cried. Those smiles are what make me strong. Sometimes, I don't have the specific thing that was said but I remember moments that there was this jolt of joy. (I need more of those moments)

While lately I have seen only the bad in my memories, last night I found that there are so many good memories too. The laughs and smiles are what can get me through. Even though some of those memories are different now; I still have that love in my life. (Dang! I'm lucky)

Lately, I've been really sentimental about how much has changed lately in my life and how people come and go. While things are crazy and changing, there are imprints on my memory that are pieces that I'm meant to never forget. (Heck if I know why) But they're there.

What are you remembering today?

xoxo,
Em

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