As I am sitting in Panera eating lunch, it dawns on me that I was having a whole conversation with myself this morning about a post I was going to write. Needless to say, I didn't actually remember until right now.
Since I visited my alma mater (that's weird) this past week, I have had to do a lot of self-reflecting on where I am in this stage of my life. Most people, either friends from undergrad or pharmacy school are married, engaged or in committed relationships and I am sitting here single as a pringle. Let me tell ya it does not feel good. However, one of my friends, I'm not sure which told me that to find the relationship I desire that I need to have joy and contentment in this stage.
That really got me thinking about where I am and who I perceive God to be in my life. So often, I find myself angry that I prayed for something and God didn't answer my prayer or do so in the timely fashion I had hoped. This causes me to put God in a genie bottle and say that I want God when I can ask for what I need or want and get it. Poof!
Reality check: that isn't how God works. As much as we may hope or want, it doesn't. Then why have a relationship with God? Again, I question this. I realized that I chose God. Or try to. Even though, generally I fail at it. Then I also think about where would I be if I didn't have God. Would I let my desire or human unworthiness dictate my decisions?
I think it would. Everyday, I tell myself that I am not good enough for the relationship that I desire. Which isn't true, might I add. However, I have a God that made me the way I am for a reason. Therefore, the season I am in is for a purpose. That can make me so frustrated because my genie in a bottle theology gets me no where.
The question becomes how do we balance waiting in the right times with what we want with what God has planned? If you find an answer, let me know. I don't know. I know that There is a reason. There is a plan. God knows what it is. I don't.
When I feel the frustration or bitterness about the season of my life that I am in, I remember that I did try and settle once. It ended badly. Shocker, right! I had my best friend ask me, would I rather wait longer for a happy life or settle and be bitter or resentful in 15 years? At first, I wanted the instant gratification. Don't we all?
Then I sat and thought and realized that I have seen the ideology of instant gratification and 10/10 times it comes back to bite us. Why do we still think that our way is the best way? Because it's fast or easy? Because let's be real, waiting and being patient is not our strong suit.
That awkward moment when I then go to class and forget where my train of thought was. Oh well. This is what I got for ya for now.
Are you in a moment of lust, loneliness or both?
xoxo,
Em
Since I visited my alma mater (that's weird) this past week, I have had to do a lot of self-reflecting on where I am in this stage of my life. Most people, either friends from undergrad or pharmacy school are married, engaged or in committed relationships and I am sitting here single as a pringle. Let me tell ya it does not feel good. However, one of my friends, I'm not sure which told me that to find the relationship I desire that I need to have joy and contentment in this stage.
That really got me thinking about where I am and who I perceive God to be in my life. So often, I find myself angry that I prayed for something and God didn't answer my prayer or do so in the timely fashion I had hoped. This causes me to put God in a genie bottle and say that I want God when I can ask for what I need or want and get it. Poof!
Reality check: that isn't how God works. As much as we may hope or want, it doesn't. Then why have a relationship with God? Again, I question this. I realized that I chose God. Or try to. Even though, generally I fail at it. Then I also think about where would I be if I didn't have God. Would I let my desire or human unworthiness dictate my decisions?
I think it would. Everyday, I tell myself that I am not good enough for the relationship that I desire. Which isn't true, might I add. However, I have a God that made me the way I am for a reason. Therefore, the season I am in is for a purpose. That can make me so frustrated because my genie in a bottle theology gets me no where.
The question becomes how do we balance waiting in the right times with what we want with what God has planned? If you find an answer, let me know. I don't know. I know that There is a reason. There is a plan. God knows what it is. I don't.
When I feel the frustration or bitterness about the season of my life that I am in, I remember that I did try and settle once. It ended badly. Shocker, right! I had my best friend ask me, would I rather wait longer for a happy life or settle and be bitter or resentful in 15 years? At first, I wanted the instant gratification. Don't we all?
Then I sat and thought and realized that I have seen the ideology of instant gratification and 10/10 times it comes back to bite us. Why do we still think that our way is the best way? Because it's fast or easy? Because let's be real, waiting and being patient is not our strong suit.
That awkward moment when I then go to class and forget where my train of thought was. Oh well. This is what I got for ya for now.
Are you in a moment of lust, loneliness or both?
xoxo,
Em
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