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All or Nothing

March 28th, 2018

Over the past couple of days, the wheels have been turning about what it means to be a Christian, what does it look like to be in a healthy relationship, or what does it mean to truly be happy?

As I got coffee with one of my profs on Tuesday, I asked this question. What does it look like to be a Christian but struggle with reading the Bible everyday? What does it mean if I struggle to read a devotional book everyday? This is something that he did not have an answer for. Honestly, I don't either.

I can tell you that I love Jesus more than there are words. I'm the girl that takes notes in chapel, EVEN with a phone. Cause that was a fun time today in chapel. Being called out for being on my phone. Wow, sorry that I actually care. That instant reaction is me trying to defend my relationship with God. I do care. I do try. I do love Jesus more than I can express to people.

What does it mean to be all in for Jesus but not be able to be consistent? I realized that this applies to other parts of life as well.

What does it mean to be all in to a relationship or a marriage? Then, I read an article by Jefferson Bethke and realized that the fairy tale endings we want usually only exist in movies. Marriage, to me, is a commitment to love someone through everything. Good, bad or ugly.

It isn't saying I do until the going gets hard and you want to walk out. That is not saying you are all in to your spouse. Instead, it's saying that marriage is too hard or that person isn't "the one" because your marriage isn't all unicorns, rainbows, and fairies. THAT'S OKAY!

I feel that as a society we have stuck ourselves in a vicious cycle of conformity to what the stereotype or norm is supposed to be that when we don't fit the mold we fall apart. What if molds are meant to be broken?

What if being uniquely made is what God intended? What if struggling to walk with God everyday is more proof that we need his undeserved grace? What if struggles in a marriage are ways of knowing that your spouse is not meant to be the fix all?

These questions have really been laid on my heart the past couple of days. The Lord says that we are to be on fire for Him and love Him unconditionally. What if we do and we just don't know how to show that? THAT'S OKAY!

I have realized that it is okay to not have all the answers. It is okay to not know what the Lord's plan is. I think realizing that is only the beginning.

I may not be able to say that I am on paper "all in" but I can tell you that I am all in with my everyday walk with the Lord.

What does it mean to be all or nothing in your life?

xoxo,
Em

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