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Forgive and Forget

May 7, 2017

So as the semester ended I fell off the face of the Earth with work, school and my own life but now I have time to breathe, think and write. Praise the Lord from whom all blessings flow!!

As I sat in church today and I really started to think about a characteristic of mine. Growing up my whole life, my mother told me that I forgive too easily or I love too much. But what if me growing up has shown me that the love I have is Christ in me.

Through all the heartache I have faced in my life from the people around me I still forgive and love. I did it for the longest time with my Gymnast until my heart hurt too much. I had to do what was best for me emotionally and mentally but causing someone else pain was almost unbearable. Yet, even when he picked his family over me time and time again I still loved him and stood by his side.

Well fast forward to the past six months with Jagger and I could say the same thing. There was a lot of pain when he picked Lilja but I respected his decision. Then he walked away from Lilja and I thought it was my fault. It wasn't but I thought it was. No matter, I still wanted him in my life regardless of the pain I had felt.

So I tried to talk to him and be there but my feelings got in way and I couldn't be the friend and sister in Christ I wanted to be. Fool me once shame on you; fool me twice shame on me was my motto with him at first but my heart still hurt. Then I walked out again but after a little while it hit me that seeing him made my world stop.

Have you ever had those moments where you see someone and the world stops? I had one of those moments with Jagger and I knew that I couldn't just shut him out anymore because I still cared. I thought I was being stupid because according to everyone in my life I was. What if it's just me trying to be loving and forgiving?

Now it is nothing but complicated between us and I don't know what is going to happen. However in the middle of one of our late night conversations, he asked me a huge question. What is it going to take for him to make up how he made me feel like trash?

I wanted to cry because he gave me a long heart-felt apology and my heart melted like a popsicle. That's all it took was an apology because knowing he was sorry made my heart okay. No matter what anyone tells me I chose to forgive and forget because I want Jagger to be a part of my life in whatever way the Lord means for that to be.

Is there something or someone you need to forgive and forget in your life?

xoxo,
Em

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