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Listening Lord

March 19, 2017

How many times have we asked a question to a friend, family member or God and gotten a response we don't like? Then apply that to relationships or our feelings and 9 times out of 10 we are grumbling about not getting a response we want or in a timeline we want.

Well I got a kick to the heart and face this week because I realized that in having feelings for, let's call him Frenchy for name sake, and I got a wait from him. It wasn't just him being new to college but him being real about the emotional and spiritual struggles in his life. Real, raw emotions that he wasn't prepared to dish out into another relationship so soon and have it end badly.

How can I not respect him for that? How can I not be impatient? These questions have been looming in my head and my heart over the past few days. There's so many things I want to tell him and don't know how or haven't seen him to tell him but I wonder if it would matter.

Would he care if I told him that I appreciate him being raw with me? Would he care that I realized where he is at emotionally? Would it scare him off that I want to wait for him even though he told me not to? So many questions with no answer in sight. Then I start to ask whether or not the Lord is even listening to me when I ask for guidance.

Frenchy told me that he is not in a place to pursue his feelings or possibilities of emotions because of where he is with the Lord emotionally. It takes someone so mature and strong to realize that about themselves and own that in a situation which just makes him more attractive to me. I have so much respect for him and where he is at and owning that part of his life.

It was something that I struggled with for a long time in my walk with the Lord and my addictions to self-harm but this guy who is younger than me is more real about where he's at. Dang! When I didn't know what the Lord was going to do and started to feel bitter and cynical about my heart, Frenchy told me that it was finding his calling in God's plan and seeing where I fit in that calling. How can I not appreciate that and him?

Right now I feel in limbo about my feelings with Frenchy and what the Lord is doing in him and how exactly I fit into that. While it can be so easy to let my heart become hard toward the Lord's timing I just have to trust that He knows my heart and Frenchy's and is doing what is best for our plans in God.

What do you need to listen to the Lord for in your life?

xoxo,
Em

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