Skip to main content

In Active Pursuit

December 10, 2016

I have done a lot of thinking in the past few days about who I am and what I want in a guy. Not the superficial things but the deep things that make up who we are deep down.

Specifically, I feel that as a female I want a man to pursue me because I matter. Not to be conceited but I am special and the guy I date should see that. Therefore some guy who give me an unanswered question, I feel, doesn't see my worth.

I'm not saying that a girl can't go for what she wants because any girl has every right to do what she wants. I just want a guy that see the worth created in me by God and pursues me for those reasons.

As much as I want someone right now because I'm so tired of being alone. I have my own human timeline in mind that I have forgotten what it means to have someone truly pursue you.

I look at it like this; years ago, I watched this devotional thingy and it asked the question "are you the person you're looking for is looking for?" Am I so deeply routed in God that the man I want will get lost in God trying to find me? That is what I want and that isn't what I am getting it. Then, where is the disconnect?

I have had too many shades of grey in my romance life to try and figure it out myself anymore. I don't know where God is leading me in this part of my life but I have realized one thing out of Applebee's boy.

If a guy is not in active pursuit of God first and then makes me a priority to pursue then he doesn't truly want me. It's time to be in active pursuit of God and make a guy lose himself in the Lord over me.

Are you in active pursuit of God?

xoxo,
Em

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Transitions

Sitting in class this morning, we decided that we were going to learn about suicide. The thing that I thought I left in my past after March 14th of 2016. Then as I was sitting, listening and learning, I realized that I have the chance to use my experience to help others. Which I guess, I always thought was the goal after overcoming my struggle. I thought I was supposed to be able to talk about my issues and help others. However, that is easier said then done most of the time. It isn't easy to directly ask someone if they are struggling with suicidal thoughts or ideation. When we don't ask or talk about it just emphasizes the stigma. I guess my question is that while I learn about transitioning into professional school why did I think I needed to leave my past behind? It is a part of who I am and what I have overcome in my life. I feel like I should use it. Talk about it. The more even ONE person talks about their past and their issues the more it will help even one pers
Post a Comment
Read more

Kryptonite

We all have our kryptonite, right? That one thing that gets us. Whether it's ice cream or a person, we have something. For me, it's a person. And I love him. Just saying that out loud is hard. We haven't had the easiest friendship for the four years of undergrad and the last couple of years were murky with feelings. When I graduated, we didn't talk and I had lost my closest guy friend that was a big rock in my life for a long time. Granted, there were big parts of my life he missed as I got into pharmacy school and what not but somehow he always ends up back in my life. I have truly questioned if it is the best decision or if I should just let him be. Every time, my heart and this voices tells me to let him in. He is my kryptonite. We fight. We don't talk. We come back. Then, we talk. I realize I still love him. I miss him not being in my life. I start to question again why. Why is he in my life? Why this season? Or why the last? It's not that I question
Post a Comment
Read more

This is Only the Beginning

February 15, 2016 I always said blogging was stupid and was for the Serena Van Der Woodsens of the world. If you don't know who SVDW is then you haven't watched Gossip Girl, the white girl staple Netflix binge. However, I find myself as a SVDW writing my own blog. Why am I writing a blog? This is how I can cope with the pain of white girl life. Instead of using self-harm to tear my body apart I can use words to express myself. Basic white girl, right? I make no promises about the niceness or the morbidity of what some posts will bring but it will be me. White girl moments and all. Here I am. Almost 20, still trying to figure out who I am and what God's plan is for me. I will never fully understand how or why He does things, only that He does. All I ask is that as you read, you learn who I am and walk this life with me. Good, bad, and everything in between. Are you ready to take a leap of faith into the unknown of tomorrow? I am. xoxo, Em
Post a Comment
Read more