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Hurting More than Myself

November 20, 2016

I sat in church today and sang a hymn that I know so well but today I found a different meaning in it. Instead of singing meaningless lyrics, I realized how much truth there is in them.

To sing "nothing but the blood of Jesus" made me think, what about the blood I shed? Not for others but that I do to myself. That's a triggering thought for a lot of people and I'm not exempt from that somedays.

I'll be the first person to admit that there are days where it is really hard to walk away from my self-harm but then today, I realized that I'm not hurting just me. I see how selfish my self-harm can be.

When I decide to cut, I'm not just cutting me but Christ. (Woah...) As a child of Christ, I carry him through his sprit in me. Which means that the blood I shed isn't just mine. What gives me the right to tarnish the blood that Christ shed for me on the cross? As a meaningless, sinful human, I don't have that right.

While I haven't struggled in a long time with my cutting, that doesn't mean the thoughts aren't still there sometimes. However, after this morning it is much more difficult for me to reason hurting myself because it's not just myself that is affected anymore. It never has been but I never realized it.

Are you hurting more than yourself?

xoxo,
Em

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