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Kryptonite

We all have our kryptonite, right? That one thing that gets us. Whether it's ice cream or a person, we have something. For me, it's a person. And I love him.

Just saying that out loud is hard. We haven't had the easiest friendship for the four years of undergrad and the last couple of years were murky with feelings. When I graduated, we didn't talk and I had lost my closest guy friend that was a big rock in my life for a long time.

Granted, there were big parts of my life he missed as I got into pharmacy school and what not but somehow he always ends up back in my life. I have truly questioned if it is the best decision or if I should just let him be. Every time, my heart and this voices tells me to let him in. He is my kryptonite.

We fight. We don't talk. We come back. Then, we talk. I realize I still love him. I miss him not being in my life. I start to question again why. Why is he in my life? Why this season? Or why the last?

It's not that I question God because I know that God has a plan or a reason that I don't understand. Yet, I wonder... Is it just me? Is it the human me that can't let him go? Is it the lustful part of me that wants to hold on to him? Honestly, I do not know.

I have really wondered about this lately because our friendship is so solid but we only talk sporadically but when we talk, it's as if we never left each others sides. I feel that he just fits into the pieces of my life when I need him.

How do I know if it's me or if it's God? I pray. A LOT. That's the best advice I have. That magnetic, kryptonite feeling that is impossible to resist. Pray about it. I don't know if it's an addiction to him or if it's something truly called in my life.

Honestly, I have been praying about him and our very complicated relationship for the past two years and still don't know what the right answer is. That's okay. I think. I'm pretty positive.  I keep praying until the Lord gives me direction or a gut right feeling.

He is my kryptonite. What is your kryptonite?

xoxo,
Em

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