I'll admit when I was in high school, I was a wannabe. I wanted to fit it. Be popular. Be homecoming queen. All things that never happened.
I spent most of middle and high school as the fat girl, the band nerd or the girl in academic bowl. No matter what I did I was always the outcast. I thought it would be different when I went to college. Halfway through college, I realized something huge.
It does NOT matter how much I "fit in" because I was made the way I am for a reason. My story was written a specific order for a reason. I still struggled though with my own self worth and self image.
Every time I looked in a mirror I hated that I wasn't small enough or pretty enough. I didn't fit the right stereotype. I was either too pretty to be smart or too smart to be pretty. I spent so much time searching for validation in my relationships with guys. I thought I had to have someone tell me I was good enough.
As I sat in church on Sunday, I realized something huge. I was looking for validation in this world not in the Lord. Which at first sounds cliche but realistically is very true. With God, I am good enough. Pretty enough. Smart enough. I am enough.
I still fight with this. Even tonight in the shower, the song that came on was talking about being strong or pretty enough by world standards. The standards of society are being a 2 who is tan and works out is pretty enough.
Honestly, I think these standards are ridiculous. I go to the gym. I try to watch my health. Who gave society the right to determine whether I deserve love or affection or popularity?
I have finally got to the place where I have accepted who I am. Inside and out. Thick thighs and high heart. I was made this way for a reason. Instead of asking the world to make me matter, I need to turn to God.
Where are you seeking your validation? Is it fulfilling? Is it consuming you? Is it defining who you are in ways that are unhealthy?
xoxo,
Em
I spent most of middle and high school as the fat girl, the band nerd or the girl in academic bowl. No matter what I did I was always the outcast. I thought it would be different when I went to college. Halfway through college, I realized something huge.
It does NOT matter how much I "fit in" because I was made the way I am for a reason. My story was written a specific order for a reason. I still struggled though with my own self worth and self image.
Every time I looked in a mirror I hated that I wasn't small enough or pretty enough. I didn't fit the right stereotype. I was either too pretty to be smart or too smart to be pretty. I spent so much time searching for validation in my relationships with guys. I thought I had to have someone tell me I was good enough.
As I sat in church on Sunday, I realized something huge. I was looking for validation in this world not in the Lord. Which at first sounds cliche but realistically is very true. With God, I am good enough. Pretty enough. Smart enough. I am enough.
I still fight with this. Even tonight in the shower, the song that came on was talking about being strong or pretty enough by world standards. The standards of society are being a 2 who is tan and works out is pretty enough.
Honestly, I think these standards are ridiculous. I go to the gym. I try to watch my health. Who gave society the right to determine whether I deserve love or affection or popularity?
I have finally got to the place where I have accepted who I am. Inside and out. Thick thighs and high heart. I was made this way for a reason. Instead of asking the world to make me matter, I need to turn to God.
Where are you seeking your validation? Is it fulfilling? Is it consuming you? Is it defining who you are in ways that are unhealthy?
xoxo,
Em
Comments
Post a Comment