How a White Girl Does Life

January 31st, 2018 Do you wonder as the seasons throughout the year changes if your life goes through the same changes as well? I have really started to wonder about my friends and the seasons of life that I am finding myself in with them. I know that a chapter of my life is going to end but I always thought that the friends I made in college were going to last all of my life. I'm not saying that some of them won't but lately I have started to wonder about some of them. What will become of them? How are they going to continue to change in the next few months? Will that change ultimately be for the better? The proper Christian response is that in all time the Lord makes things right; therefore, his timing of people and friendships is for a specific reason. Even if we don't know what that reason may be the Lord is still faithful. As I reflect on the past three and a half years will the hare I realize that I will miss her more than I thought I would after we leave. Lat...

January 25th, 2018 100 of anything can be a lot, right? Well, 100 blog posts is the same thing. This marks number 100 and I have spent a lot of time contemplating what to write about in the past few days. What would be "good" enough for my 100th? Well, then I realized it doesn't matter cause I can put whatever I want into it because it's my blog. Then I found that as I was walking through life with the Lord I started to pray and I didn't like the answers I was getting to my prayers. Sometimes we tend to ask questions that we don't truly want answers to. What if we pray things and want a specific things from a prayers so we ask them in a specific way to have God give us what we think we want. Then we get angry when the Lord does answer and the answer we get is not what we want. Now that answer, in my belief, God saying wait young Padawan because I have something better in store. This then begs the question of how long do we wait and how? It can be hard ...

January 19th, 2018 As I have seen over the past week, there is a reason that the Lord puts people in your life for a reason, time and place. Sometimes these are really obvious but other times they aren't. Other times hindsight is 20/20 and we look back to realize why we experienced what we did. Sometimes there is great joy out of the places we find ourselves. Things are happy because there are so many good people around us and everything seems to be falling into place. Other times trial produces great sorrow and we don't see an end to the pain. However, I hope, you have the same great people that will love you through it. Or in my case, some new ones will arise. I have recently found that I might not fully understand what God is doing by rearranging who is in my life in my last semester of college. But I know to trust Him. There are a lot of new people that I am truly afraid of losing but I also know that the Lord makes all things work for my good. I don't know if...

January 18th, 2018 Sometimes in the darkness we have to find the good things to focus on no matter how small. So for me in the past couple of days I have really had to focus on the small things to get me through. The last time I had a fight with my mother it ended very badly for me because the depression struggle was real. I was not able to overcome the pain that I was feeling until I fell into a really awful cycle with my self-harm. Granted that was years ago but when we came to another falling apart I didn't know how it was going to go. Sadly it was due to me sticking up for myself for the first time in the 21 years that I have been alive. I made a decision I should come first and my education should come first but it came back to bite me. Yes, there were a lot of tears because I care about her and felt like everything fell apart but then something dawned on me. As I was walking back to my apartment last night, I realized that not once did the thought that I wasn't go...

January 17th, 2018  Whenever we hear the phrase the morning after our first thought is always about sex and what comes after. The guilt, shame, emotional roller coaster, and struggle that follow those decisions but what about other morning afters?  What about the morning after someone has binge ate all night? The morning after someone has been self-mutilating? The morning after someone does drugs for the first time or the last time?  We too often get caught up in stereotypes and labels to overcome or look past our own inner circle of problems. I had a friend make an analogy to me once that our problems seem so big to us became they are right in front of us but that does not make anyone else's struggle any less.  I remember the mornings after for me. I would wake up feeling like that I did not have any worth. That there would never be anyone who would understand my pain. That I was going through it alone. I spent eight years feeling that way until the L...

January 16th, 2018 As I was walking into lab and class this morning, an old hymn came to mind seeing the snow. It says, " 'Cause Jesus paid it all,  All to him I owe,  Sin had left a crimson stain, he washed it white as snow." While many of us are complaining about the cold and the snow there was this peacefulness to the snow as well.  It was this endless peace that washed over me about how this semester and year will be. Every year people make resolution and they become broken. It has become the running joke of New Years is how long to resolutions last. I have decided that this year there will not be resolutions but commitments to new ways of life with me and the Lord.  This year is going to be packed full of change as I graduate from undergrad and start pharmacy school. I realized that this new perspective comes from this hymn. That every sin I have ever made Jesus paid for. Every sin is a little different just like every snowflake. As each snowflake was fall...

January 9th, 2018 Today marks the first day of classes for spring semester. Which for me was not having classes at all. I made a list of things to do to get other errands done but as many other seniors have started classes today it was the beginning of the end of our undergraduate careers today. It really hadn't dawned on me that I was really going to graduate or that I was a senior until recently. The small pieces have been there but as graduation is being talked about, graduate school and as we call it, life after Olivet, I have realized that it is the beginning of the end of a season of my life. Things have changed so much throughout the pasted four years that I cannot believe who I have become and how much I have grown but also how much I have changed. College changes you, they told me and wow I never believed it but it is very real. There have been many laughs, tears and memories along the way but dang. I have loved this journey. It is odd to think that it will come to...

January 1st, 2018 As everyone went to celebrate the New Year last night I took some cold medicine and went to bed around 11 because I was exhausted. I got up this morning and wondered is today different from any other day? Then I realized that we spend so much time at the end of the year looking back at how our year has changed that I feel we miss the things that we can look ahead to. I have had a whirlwind of a past few weeks since I came home for break and to be honest some of it still doesn't seem real. I came home from finals and was so ready to crash and relax but that was put on hold by a pharmacy school interview that I was not prepared for in the slightest but who the heck knows right? (The Lord knows). He was working on my heart as I went down to The Ohio State University for this interview and what he was going to do. The more I learned about the university the more I fell in love and realized that this is where I wanted to go if I got in. Much to my surprise TWO ...