How a White Girl Does Life

December 13, 2016 For the first time in my life I realized something, I'm am free to dress, act and be who I want. Someday, I will find someone who wants me for me. Until then, God is telling me that I am not ready; even if I think I am. I have spent so much time telling myself I am not worth it or am a trashcan that no one would ever look at me. Well guess what? If I tell myself that long enough, maybe I'll believe it or the people around me will. I was made a unique puzzle piece and the way I am for a reason. I should not try to change that but I do. Tonight I realized that the more I keep putting myself down; the more I keep pushing people away. I have to accept who I am because that freedom will let me be truly happy. That happiness breeds beauty that only God can create. While finals week is stressful, I'm exhausted all the time and I don't know how I'm going to get everything done, I am free. I am not a trashcan. Never have been and never will be. It

December 10, 2016 I have done a lot of thinking in the past few days about who I am and what I want in a guy. Not the superficial things but the deep things that make up who we are deep down. Specifically, I feel that as a female I want a man to pursue me because I matter. Not to be conceited but I am special and the guy I date should see that. Therefore some guy who give me an unanswered question, I feel, doesn't see my worth. I'm not saying that a girl can't go for what she wants because any girl has every right to do what she wants. I just want a guy that see the worth created in me by God and pursues me for those reasons. As much as I want someone right now because I'm so tired of being alone. I have my own human timeline in mind that I have forgotten what it means to have someone truly pursue you. I look at it like this; years ago, I watched this devotional thingy and it asked the question "are you the person you're looking for is looking for?&qu

December 8, 2016 One of the worst feelings is asking a question and getting the response "I don't know." However, I have been learning that in life, many times our answer is exactly that. Whether those questions are asked about our careers, relationships, friends or family but not having answers can be really frustrating but you know those answers should be found? (Cliche white girl answer coming) Those answers should be found in God. While it can be hard to listen because God isn't instant. In our world today, everything we want is at our fingertips, but God doesn't work like that and accepting that fact is so hard to accept. Patience has not been my virtue as a young Padawan (Star Wars pun intended). However, as I have grown as an adult and Christian I have had to learn that the things I ask for may not get answers right away. While I sit and pray to God for wisdom and answers about a list of different things; right now I still don't have answers to

December 4, 2016 So there's this boy. The start of every basic white girl "love" story ever. After I had my heart broken by my best friend I told my self no more. I couldn't handle it. Well, my heart didn't listen. A couple of my girl friends and I went to Applebee's after a football game one night and were having a heart to heart about life. Then in walked this tall, attractive boy and it hit me like a ton of bricks that "HEY, he's cute!!" He and his friends were escorted by the hostess past our table and he said hi to me and I sunk into our booth like a turtle. I didn't know what to do, so I didn't. For weeks, I ignored how I felt but it started to eat at me. I sought the approval of one of my friends to pursue him because I didn't think I could. After a push to talk to my friend about other things in my life, I opened up and told him about Applebee's boy. He was totally chill and was like "girl, don't let me cont