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Those Around Me

March 18, 2016

Have you ever hurt the people around you without even noticing it? I have. I never knew that my struggle and my decisions about self-harm and depression hurt those around me. Until I did.

I realized that my cry for help is scary and can trigger the people around me. I hurt them almost more then I hurt myself.

It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to reach out for help. I never did until I was spiraling out of control.

I hurt my one of my best friends... I don't even know how to begin to tell her I'm sorry. So on the off chance she reads all of this.

Friend,
    I love you. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I never knew how much you cared about me or how much I was hurting and triggering you. The fact that I scared you and tore your heart into pieces and I'm so sorry. I know that I'm not okay anymore and need help. I know that I'm not okay and I need help. and I don't ask for it. There aren't enough I'm sorrys for the pain I caused you the other night. Everything is different now because you love me but I pushed you away. I can't do it on my own anymore. I never could but I tried. You've been through so much worse and I never got it. You're so strong and have so much faith in God. I look up to you as a role model. I wish you knew that. I hope someday you'll forgive me. I'm sorry and I love you. Please know that.

Sometimes it's easiest to hurt the people we love the most. Those apologies are the hardest to give and receive but eventually those apologies make us stronger.

I am weak and realized that I have hit rock bottom this week. I don't know how to be okay anymore and I need to learn how to lean on God again. (where did I quit?)

I realized how much there are people around me who love me and I hurt them. Do you need to do healing with those around you too?

xoxo,
Em

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