How a White Girl Does Life

Sitting in class this morning, we decided that we were going to learn about suicide. The thing that I thought I left in my past after March 14th of 2016. Then as I was sitting, listening and learning, I realized that I have the chance to use my experience to help others. Which I guess, I always thought was the goal after overcoming my struggle. I thought I was supposed to be able to talk about my issues and help others. However, that is easier said then done most of the time. It isn't easy to directly ask someone if they are struggling with suicidal thoughts or ideation. When we don't ask or talk about it just emphasizes the stigma. I guess my question is that while I learn about transitioning into professional school why did I think I needed to leave my past behind? It is a part of who I am and what I have overcome in my life. I feel like I should use it. Talk about it. The more even ONE person talks about their past and their issues the more it will help even one pers

Today was the first day of the rest of my life. How cliche right? I had orientation today for pharmacy school. Honestly, it was overwhelming. It was a lot of information and new people. It was a lot of change. I realized that I don't like change. Maybe that's because I don't know what is going to happen in the change or how I could change in the face of adversity. Yet after church yesterday, I think I found some answers that gave me solitude for today. God is never changing. God is already there. God has already though 5 steps ahead and through plans A-Z. He knows every step that I am going to take whether it is good or bad. He knows that when things get back I will cry and when things are good I will still probably cry. Let's face it pharmacy school isn't easy. The next four years are going to be a lot of change. Maybe of me. Maybe not. Yet being afraid of the change does me no good. I have to learn to embrace it which is hard. I have also learned something

I'll admit when I was in high school, I was a wannabe. I wanted to fit it. Be popular. Be homecoming queen. All things that never happened. I spent most of middle and high school as the fat girl, the band nerd or the girl in academic bowl. No matter what I did I was always the outcast. I thought it would be different when I went to college. Halfway through college, I realized something huge. It does NOT matter how much I "fit in" because I was made the way I am for a reason. My story was written a specific order for a reason. I still struggled though with my own self worth and self image. Every time I looked in a mirror I hated that I wasn't small enough or pretty enough. I didn't fit the right stereotype. I was either too pretty to be smart or too smart to be pretty. I spent so much time searching for validation in my relationships with guys. I thought I had to have someone tell me I was good enough. As I sat in church on Sunday, I realized something huge