How a White Girl Does Life

February 20, 2017 I have always been the girl who wears her heart on her sleeve or throws her whole being into relationships and friendships. Unfortunately, it comes back to bite me more often than I would like to admit. Right now is one of those times. When you spend so much time being there for someone, loving them and thinking that they value you as much as you value them then you're wrong. It hurts. Do the people we love even realize that they are doing it? I want to say no because usually if we confront it, they tell us they never meant for us to feel the way we do. However, if they don't mean to why do they continue to do so? Habit? Forgetfulness? I don't have an exact answer. What I do know is I have spent a lot of my life throwing my feelings out there in my friendships and relationships but usually it ends in heartache. How do you reason with yourself to continue to do so? Because life is meaningless without having love and people to share that love with.

February 13, 2016 In the past 10-20 minutes, I have realized that sometimes the best way to handle the mistakes we make in our lives is to wear them and own them with pride. Crazy? Probably but also freeing. If I can be honest that I screw up and own that then no one can tell me what I do or don't do. I will just be straight up honest that I fricked up my life in some way. Yeah when we screw up those consequences usually suck but if we can be honest about that then, can it get any worse? Especially since people only have the power we give them. Texas pointed that out to me and I realized that she is so right. I spent so much time giving the short one power over me and the words she cut me down with that I never took the time to realize I was the one giving her that power. If I had taken a step back, I could have seen that she was only as powerful as I let her be. With our mistakes, it is the same principle because they are only as powerful as we let other people hold them o

February 6, 2017 There is nothing worse than seeing a friend(s) hurting and knowing that you can't fix it. In the past twenty to twenty-four hour, however, I have felt that feeling more than I would care to admit. From talking one friend off of a self-harm ledge or her friend and making sure she doesn't lose it in the process to seeing another get her heart broken by a now ex-boyfriend I have never felt more helpless as a friend. What do you do in those moments when you didn't cause the pain but you can't make it go away either? I don't know. I have repeated that more times than I would like to admit too. God, what are you doing? How can I fix this? It dawned on me that I can't. God can and his timing will someday but it's someday I'm worried about. It's hard to watch the people you love get hurt and even worse to know that I can't do anything. The only thing I can do is pray. Which right now doesn't seem like a lot, to be honest. I j

February 4, 2017  "God is good all the time and all the time, God is good." This is my favorite quote or saying from God's Not Dead  and it's so true. His plan is so much more than I could ever imagine and He has started to show that to me.  Eight days ago, I applied to be a resident assistant for the first time since I was a freshman and I was 100% prepared to get rejected into the next step but I wasn't. I got the email yesterday that I get to move onto the next step of the process and I am floored. God stepped up to use me in someway. I don't know how He is going to but He will.  Right now, I am jumping feet first into this process because no matter what comes out of it, God is at work. Nothing can go wrong? Even if I don't get the outcome I want, it will be the best plan for me.  God is good all the time. He will show that to us no matter what. It's an incredible feeling to know that the creator of the universe is working for the bes