How a White Girl Does Life

August 24, 2016 Have you ever been in the middle of a tunnel in life and don't know how to find a way out? I've been experiencing a lot of that lately. Not in a depression sense of my life but more in the purpose of it. (If that makes any sense). I feel as though I am marking time through life not really connecting in what I am supposed to be doing. It's a weird feeling. When we, our marching band, went to church together on Sunday the pastor was talking about relationships and three levels of connections we can have. It got me thinking about my own friendships and relationships but also about the connections of my life. What if I haven't been connecting in the ways God is calling me because I am too focused on marking time through life? I realized how much more intentional I need to be with my life. I realized how much I don't want people in my life unless they are "real" friends. So I have decided to do a life cleanse. My life cleanse just mean

August 11, 2016 It's such a cliche phrase that we use all the time. Plaster on a smile and say we're all good until something happens to shatter the pieces on the floor. I thought I was the queen of fake it till you make it until I realized how much it hurt. Then, I also realized how much I do it everyday of my life in some way. But sometimes, it feels like I have to do that with my whole life. Almost like, nothing in my life is good so I have to fake it all. Where do I learn to stop? Where do I draw the line and say I'm not okay. Or to say, I'm fine and truly mean it. I don't know. I know that hurt is a part of life but sometimes fake it till you make it doesn't work. The hurt is too much. That's when I have to try and remember that my worth isn't defined in others. It is defined by a God who loves me so much I will never understand. Days like today where it feels like fake it till you make it isn't good enough is when I need God the most. R

August 10, 2016 So I haven't sat down to write anything in what feels like forever. I wonder if it's because nothing has happened sometimes or if I just don't feel like writing. Honestly, it's more that I haven't had a reason or anything substantial to write about until now. Do you know what it feels like to fall for your best friend and then see them date someone else? I do. It's hard. It infuriated me. I didn't know I could be so mad at someone I loved so much. I realized that holding everything inside was going to destroy our friendship. Best friendship at that. My question then became; what do I do? I vented with ice cream to a friend before realizing that I had to just be honest with Fluffy. Good, bad and everything in between. Honestly, I was a little scared because I let it all go and just let out how I felt. What's crazy to me is that he understood. He realized how much he had hurt me. Without even noticing that he'd done it and he apol